Wanted: Human Lab Rats


No Experience Needed

No Experience Needed

So the Whispers On The Street crew (me) is currently on the hunt for a new career in these wonderful economic times (Sarcasm ON).  Like many industries across the country, this recession is killing the sports world; the industry I’m most familiar with. So I decided to look outside this realm and into some of the other more stable industries in our Florida economy; government and education??? Who knows! I just need a J.O. so I can keep up with my sneaker fetish.

In any case, I figured since I am a minority and our President Is Black, a diversity  job fair might actually give me some reasonable alternatives to the unemployment line….Boy was I wrong!

I got up early (well at least in my sense of the word;9AM) and went over to the local Kinkos and got my resume game on point. I even got the extra heavy resume paper and laser printed 50 of those suckers. By 10:15, I  had successfully finished the most productive part of my day.

So it was off to the Fashion Square Mall in Orlando, Florida. I should have known to suspect the worst when the job fair was being held at the mall food court and it begun at 12 noon. What do minorities get up just in time for lunch? Is that what I’m supposed to deduce from this call time for a job fair? In any case, I pressed the suit and shined the shoes and walked into the mall food court with my swag on hundred(100%).  What up Ye?

When I arrived at 12:01pm, there was already a line of people going in 4 directions. It looked like a goddamn free check line in Gainesville or something… Take the  jorts off and put a tie on for God’s sake! The local news was actually there covering the event (which I avoided like the plague). I said to myself ” hell no”; I’m not waiting in this line to register for some diversity job fair!! I played dumb and walked all the way to the very front of the line. If 200 people are waiting to check out some jobs, they better have some great ones to offer. Of course they didn’t.

There was probably 15 “vendors” there. Here’s the breakdown:  1 Bank- signing people up for accounts (So when you finally get a job you can give them your money and they can charge you fees up the ass ), 7 pseudo-tech schools/jr. colleges (Not one that I can actually remember besides Devry on-line; and only because they advertise on Monster like a beast!), 4 hotels (This is Orlando in case you forgot), Busch Entertainment (AKA Busch Gardens), 1 uniform company, 1 pharmaceutical company and finally the trusty US Army. You can’t have one of these events without the Army. In fact, while every other vendor had 1 table, the Army had about 10 with pens and applications all over it…

Trying to get the most out of this (I did get up early and dropped 20$ on resumes), I went over to the Marriott booth to sample what they had open and to maybe drop off a resume for an analyst type job.  They showed me a sheet with jobs on it and told me they are not accepting resumes. Looking down on this sheet, the openings read: server, pool attendant & housekeeping. NEXT! At the Busch Ent table they showed me  a list of all of their openings. 2 pages. 2 jobs per page. All 4 part time for the summer only. NEXT!  Walking booth to booth, the Army table looked like the most promising career. What a grim state of affairs!

Finally growing highly frustrated with the entire event, I went over to the pharmaceutical company to see what they had in store. This past summer, I briefly flirted with a career in pharma/medical sales and I thought maybe this was my chance to try that out again. So I approach the the table, and began reading the job postings. My mouth dropped! The positions offered weren’t in sales at all. They were in testing? Like you performed the clinical trials on rats in a lab or something? NOPE. You got paid to test out the drugs. You were the lab rats!  And with that little piece of info, I loosened up the tie and exited stage left. Maybe these guys in the jorts and fitted Magic hats were on to something. Note to self: Always go to the regular job fair on a college campus.


3 Responses to “Wanted: Human Lab Rats”

  1. […] Originally posted here: Wanted: Human Lab Rats […]

  2. Great post


  3. Vorpaladin Says:

    This is really sad. The nature of jobs offered at the “minority” job fair you describe are insulting in the extreme and show what a low opinion these employers have of “minorities” (i.e. those not of European descent, whether they be truly in the minority or not). I know the economy is bad, this is just disgraceful.

    Of course, it sounds like the majority of those who showed up were looking for entry level unskilled positions, given their poor fashion choices, which kind of disincentivizes employers from offering professional-level positions at these job fairs as well.

    This looks like a self-reinforcing loop of low expectations between employers and potential employees who identify as “minorities”. Very sad indeed.

    I wish you luck in your job search!

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